Bedtime Routines
Of course I heard about bedtime routines for children and remember my own growing up. But when I had my first, I didn’t consider that I could start a bedtime routine from birth. I mean I always pictured bedtime routines with kids more like preschool age. Bath, jammies, books in bed.
I think I was more overwhelmed with the journey through pregnancy and learning as much as possible about parenting to even consider implementing a bedtime routine right away. At least, not in a way that would teach my baby about expectations, early communication, and be the very infrastructure to creating a healthy sleep foundation.
It was through books and a lot of Google research that I figured out a child has “no business being up past 8pm” (thank you Nanny Connie). That’s how I learned what an appropriate bedtime for a baby even was!
I think we bathed our daughter once a week and some days left PJs on all day and into the night if there wasn’t a reason to change her.
Through trial and error we came up with a little bedtime routine. But in no way did I realize that a bedtime routine from birth could have shaped her expectation of sleep. Nor did I realize that consistency, to the point of the order of which we do things, would be a form of communication. And that a bedtime routine was the foundation of nighttime sleep.
The start of implementing a bedtime routine is just a cue that sleep is coming. Babies cannot start picking up on these cues until about 6 weeks, usually around the time a baby starts to smile at you.
HOW LONG SHOULD A BEDTIME ROUTINE BE?
An appropriate bedtime routine shouldn’t exceed 30 minutes. The goal of the bedtime routine is to prepare your child for the expectation that sleep is coming. It is not to get the child to sleep (at least, not over 4 months of age.)
IDEAL BEDTIME ROUTINE:
Bath
Diaper/Lotion
Feeding
PJs
Book/Lullaby
Bed
Bath: An ideal bedtime routine would start with a soothing and relaxing bath. Not all children take baths every night, but you should still take your child into the bathroom and use a warm washcloth to wipe around their face, neck, hands, feet and diaper area. It helps keep with the routine on off nights.
Diaper/lotion: Get your baby into their overnight diaper. I suggest sizing up one in overnight diapers to help baby make it through the night without leaks. I also lay the diaper cream on thick to prevent rashes and chafing.
Feeding: Offer one last FULL feeding along with a good burp.
PJs: Slip on some cozy, weather-appropriate PJs. And a swaddle or sleep sack if applicable. I like putting this step after the feeding because it helps keep baby awake during her feeding.
This is also a good time to brush your child’s teeth.
Book/Lullaby: Rock with baby and sing a sweet lullaby. One or two rounds of Twinkle Twinkle is enough. Or you can choose a short book to read.
Sometimes providing a little time after a feeding for a baby who suffers from reflux or GERD is enough to keep them upright and comfortable. Choosing elements like books and lullabies keeps baby sleepy!
Bedtime: Close the shades/blinds, say your goodnight phrase, turn on the sound machine, place baby in the crib, lights out, door shut!
The goodnight phrase is really important. It is the last cue to signify to baby that sleep is coming next. It should be something short and sweet like, “it’s time to go to sleep now, baby. We love you, goodnight.” You will say the SAME phrase every night.
NEXT STEPS:
Once you start implementing a bedtime routine you are comfortable with, STICK WITH IT. Don’t give up the routine after a week thinking it isn’t making a difference. It is with YOUR consistency that you will create a pattern your child will pick up on and LEARN what to expect and what is expected of them during the routine. It is a fabulous bonding time and when done in the same order, consistently will yield results.
WHEN SHOULD BEDTIME BE?
A healthy bedtime for most children is between 6pm-8pm.
I am a HUGE advocate for an early bedtime. My daughter’s bedtime was 6:30pm for the first (almost) 2 years of her life. It wasn’t until she fully transitioned to one nap from 1pm-3pm that we moved her bedtime back. An earlier bedtime, especially for the really little ones, is essential to preventing them from becoming overtired.
An early bedtime also provides a slew of other benefits for mom and dad specifically. It gives parents the opportunity to spend time together as a couple, make dinner together, finish work tasks or do chores. Parents can enjoy the evening together. It also provides a time for parents to spend one-on-one time with an older sibling.
My husband and I would start the bedtime routine at 6pm and have our daughter in bed by 6:30pm. Even if she didn’t fall asleep right away, the expectation that it was time for bed was enough for her to roll around, sing to herself, or chat until she rolled over and went to sleep. My husband and I would then clean up any remaining scattered toys and start making dinner. Sometimes my husband would even go workout in our basement while I made dinner. We’d have a kid-free meal we could enjoy at our own pace and catch up on our days. We had plenty of time to clean up our dishes and relax the reminder of the night.
Don’t get me wrong, the first 4 months of our daughter’s life we were taking turns rocking her to sleep and eating dinner in shifts. But that’s not a healthy or long-term solution for sleep or to sustain our marriage. Sleep training our daughter and implementing an early bedtime that we stuck to, really gave us our freedom back.
And before you get at me for being a working parent and not having enough time with your child, my husband and I both work full time. And STILL do. I changed my hours to 8am-4pm so I could be home by 5pm. My husband had the same hours. This little edit to our work hours permitted us at least 1 hour with our daughter after work. And that time was precious and intentional. Phones were away. TV was off. Whatever we had to do waited. We were focused on our daughter. Playing, feeding her, going for a walk, having fun. Knowing we’d have time after bedtime meant we could get to remaining tasks later. Making her a priority maxed out our time with her and filled her cup with love and security. We would have loved MORE time with her, as any parent does, but we prioritized HER NEED for sleep over OUR NEED to just be with her. And we were ALL better for it. Our health, our moods, our ability to concentrate, grow, focus and learn.
Having a bedtime as early as 6:30pm might not be possible for some families. I totally get that. Do what you can to offer an early bedtime and prioritize your child’s need for sleep. Your child’s bedtime won’t be 6:30-7pm forever, I promise. It will be a short time they need an early bedtime, but it will make a huge difference when it comes to their sleep.
Here’s a helpful chart to help you determine an appropriate bedtime based on age and nap schedule. (Click chart to enhance for a printable PDF!)
If you want even more help, check out our services page to see if a sleep package is right for you. A comprehensive sleep package can not only improve your child’s sleep now, it will set you up for long-term sleep success.
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